Total fucking shit to be honest.
My job is working their way toward firing me. And everyone there was manipulated into disliking me with this scenario. My very best friend in the whole world no longer wishes to be my friend.
Suffice to say I climbed to the top of the parking garage at work the other day and thought about jumping off for over an hour.
But since then…I have had so much more support outside of work than I could have ever imagined. People do like me. And they used to like me at work too. I’ve always been a hermit and had difficulty socializing. So my support network might not look the same as others…as it’s mostly online.
My mental health providers stepped in and gave me urgent appointments when I needed them. Sure, I pay them, but they seem to care. And they are helping me and supporting me. You can care about what you do and still be paid for it.
The wound is still very fresh and it will leave a humongous scar. But I think I can make it through.
There is just something I have started telling myself. I have absolutely never believed this in my entire life until I had to defend myself against what was said about me.
I am not selfish. I am kind. I work hard. I am good at my job. I am a good friend. I would do anything to help those who I care about. I am a human being. I have real feelings. And I am not going to let them make me feel bad about myself anymore.
Bahaha it’s ok I like the word “dingus”…it’s why I chose it! It’s a goofy word like “goober”!
Yeah take care of yourself, man. You matter.